Objects in the Mirror are Closer than They Appear

Once in a while, I think that mankind is evolving, that it’s more cerebral than its animalistic predecessors were. And then . . . I have to break up a fight between two middle school students, and I am forced rethink my position once again and ultimately accept the fact that the human race has not fully emerged from the dark ages. We may have moved into that time just after the sun peaks over the horizon, but not much further..


Bullies are not always easy to spot. You might think they all have to shop from the Eddie Bauer's Big and Tall catalog, but you would be sadly mistaken. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes; they are both male and female. The bully is an odd species to me, one that camouflages its true intentions in Eddie Haskell mannerisms and seems utterly shocked when caught tormenting some unfortunate.

In fact, in my teaching career, it seems to me that most bullies are not that big or that tall. The bully seems to come in a more compact form and stands ready to battle at the slightest provocation. One accidental bump in the hallway and said bully becomes the Tasmanian Devil. Just seconds ago a jovial, good natured creature, the bully quickly loses all sense of reality and sees only the face of his offender with a miniature fistprint planted on his cheek as penance for the unintentional transgression. This phenomenon is called “Short Man’s Syndrome” in teaching circles. Teachers learn size doesn't always factor in when it comes to bullies.

I see this same behavior in my cats: Elvis, my six pound runt thinks nothing of tearing after my fourteen pound gentle giant. Goldie’s eyes always have that “What just happened?” look as he zooms past me and races for the door - sometimes so quickly that he forgets to see if the door is open and knocks himself out. This always disappoints Elvis as he is all fired up. Inevitably, Elvis rids himself of his adrenalin by stampeding up and down the hallway several times, and then walking around like he is Popeye, the Sailor Man.

I have seen similar scenarios played out when those tiny obnoxious Chihuahuas who think they own everything that they see will chase you down the street when you are only trying to burn off a few calories on a relaxing walk. How utterly humiliating it is it must beto have to run as fast as you can to escape a yapping two pound dog.

You would think humans, having the larger brain and the ability to reason, should be able to suppress the urge to pummel one another, right? Unfortunately, the answer to that is – Uhhhh…no.

Case in point, played out so many times in so many schools in so many places. The brilliant young man  or woman certain to succeed in any profession is ridiculed for his or her intelligence by the the immature, less intelligent person. Said immature, less intelligent person, due to personal insecurities and fewer brain cells, hurls a volley of insults about the “nerd’s” looks, lack of coordination, family ancestry – it doesn’t really matter the insult as the intent is always the same – make the other person feel less important and less worthwhile. For years the Brain, due to a peaceful nature, tries to ignore it or let it go. This, unfortunately, is as good as giving the bully the go ahead. “Hmmm…won’t resist? OK –when I feel bad about myself or want to look tough in front of others, I will pick on the passive smart guy because most of my peers resent his intelligence anyway.”

Occasionally the ones being bullied fight back, and I must admit that I am not really sorry to see bullies get their comeuppance. Immediately, this makes me painfully aware that I am not far removed from the caveman myself. But after seeing the same bully target many people, I tire of seeing a few rotten apples make other students’ lives miserable. While I would rather not have students fight at all, sometimes bullies only seem to understand good old-fashioned butt whippin'.

I wonder if our countries work on this same principle. Did you ever notice that some of the smallest countries cause the most problems for the world? Look at Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, North Korea… All these countries pick, pick, pick, pick, pick -- until someone says “Hey, that’s enough. I have tried talking with you, ignoring you, avoiding you, not playing with you, and yet you still insist upon being a bully. Therefore, it’s time to fight back.” Hence the military presence big countries often exercise on smaller ones.

Invariably, the bully – be it a person or a country, uses baser instincts – and they prepare for battle. Humans taunt verbally then put up their dukes, countries attempt diplomatic relations then threaten nuclear holocaust.  The neanderthal seems to be closer than it appears when looking at it in the mirror.  I hope we get smarter or we can run faster.