No Hi Def for Me!

My trip home was amazing. Every member of my family was a joy to spend time with. While I could see where being closer would NOT be a good thing, this visit definitely was. I can sort of equate a visit like this to the difference between regular TV and Hi Def. You know how all the actors and actresses don't look quite as pretty on Hi Def because every facial flaw is obvious? That's the way I feel about being too close to family. Seeing them once in a while is phenomenal, but no need to put a microscope on our differences as they would overshadow the genuine Christmas spirit we all felt this holiday. I love them with all of my heart, and they me. No need to look at each wrinkle too closely.

I know that and am ever grateful to my brother for funding this trip. It simply would not have been possible had he not paid for it and let me stay at his house. It was initially really hard to humble myself and let him do this, but as my very best friend Jules pointed out, sometimes it is right to accept someone else's generosity. Don't rob them of their opportunity to feel good about helping out. So I gratefully accepted his generosity and have no words to tell him what an amazingly wonderful thing he did for me.


Mom



As a result, I was able to see my mom again who is in a rest home in Bremerton, Washington. She has multiple sclerosis and has been in the rest home for over 35 years. She is their longest living resident. When she found out she had MS, she had experimental brain surgery at the University of Washington to eliminate the tremors. I don't know how much she understands. She can't speak much anymore, but I feel like there is a lot more she understands that other in my family believe. I have been calling her and writing her on and off throughout the years, so seeing her in person after ten years was a really big deal to me.



Brother, Niece, and Mom



Mom, Niece, and Me



Her gift to me? She kissed me back. My brother was shocked as he didn't think she could do that. I believe that the contact I maintain with her has made a huge difference.  I plan to continue to do this, and I hope to go back to see her sooner this time.

I also got to see my grandmother who is now 93 or 94 years old. She lives with my aunt and uncle. She is an amazing matriarch whose signature saying while I grew up was "As long as you're happy." I think she is less accommodating with family members who do stupid things today, and I love that about her now. She calls it the way she sees it, but she loves each family member unconditionally. And trust me, some of us have made that a real challenge!



My youngest uncle and his friend; my grandma; my aunt

As an added bonus, I got to see my youngest uncle. He almost died of Hodgkin's disease last year. They were about to pull the plug, but God said not so fast. He is the family miracle, and I am so delighted. I used to follow him around as a kid. I started playing clarinet because he played it. He was only a few years older than me, so he was really like a big brother when I was growing up.

I got to see my dad who looks great. He is the same old dad, and he hasn't changed a bit. Because I have changed so much over the years, I have learned to accept him and admire him for all he has taught me. I can't imagine having raised two kids alone at such a young age and having a successful career (or several careers - he is one adventurous guy). He stepped up when many fathers would have left the scene after Mom got sick. I will always be grateful.



Dad

I also got to see Roxanne, one of my dad's former girlfriends, a sweet, caring individual who has raised a number of long term foster children. Her endlessly giving spirit was one of the reasons my brother sees her as a strong mother figure in his life, and I do believe who constant faith in him, that he would overcome his struggles was a big reason why he is doing well today. We spent one evening reminiscing about the restaurant she used to own and where I first worked as a waitress in a very ghetto section of Seattle called Ranier Valley. That restaurant deserves its own set of posts.
Finally, my brother and my niece. This was the first time I had met my niece. She is six years old and looks just like I did at her age. My whole family swears by this. She was a lot of fun, and my brother and I had the best time together we have ever had. I guess we have finally grown up and learned to appreciate one another. It sure took us long enough.

The trip forced me to examine my own tendencies to be hypercritical of those around me instead of recognizing we are all human and, yes - we all have flaws. But to concentrate on those flaws is a disservice to each human being. Instead, I choose to focus on the wonderful qualities each person brings to the table, that makes them unique and special. I think that is how God views each one of us, and I want to act the same way. Life is so much more wonderful when I celebrate each person's special, unique gifts instead of focusing on what I perceive as their flaws. Goodness knows, if people focus on my negative qualities only, I would have no friends!