What a Difference a Year Makes!

Spoke to the husband again today.  I have to say that he could not be more different from his last birthday.  It's a complete 180.  During our discussion today, I found him to be respectful, humble, and accepting.  He called to tell me that the potential job offer was not nearly as good as the picture that had been painted for him, so he would continue staying with his brother for the time being and would work for ReMax in his hometown.  While the two and half million dollar listing was real, but the apartment was an efficiency apartment with a woman and her three grown children living above (kind of sounds like my neighbors who own the roaming chickens - that's another story).  Also, the woman really didn't have a business plan put in place - it was sort of a random attempt to create a business.  He respectfully declined her offer. 

We talked for about 40 minutes, and it was a healthy, positive conversation.  He thanked me for praying for him,  for not giving up on him and asked me not to give up on us completely just yet.  He said that he will respect whatever decision I make but if I ever want him back to tell him, and he will be here.  If that doesn't happen, he is just glad we are able to talk and that he now has his life back free of alcohol.  He is keeping his realtor's license here in Kentucky just in case, but he is pursuing work in his hometown as well.  He really seems to understand there are no guarantees here, but is hopeful that I might one day decide we should attempt to reconcile.

He apologized for ridiculing the hours I put in at work and understands that it's necessary.  He tells me he won't interfere with that and the drinking stopped him from really working at his job because it kept him from showing houses once he started boozing up.  Had he been acting like a man, he would have been working and not drinking - (his words).  I told him that is a really big deal to me, and that he could have always come to the school to attend many of the functions I had to go to.  He agreed, and apologized for not supporting me at what I do.  Knock me over!  I was shocked!

He has now been sober for one month, and I cried tears of joy for him today.  He is so grateful that God gave him this chance.  He believes God has removed his craving, and I believe him because when I had to stop drinking at one point in my life, God removed the craving for me.  He didn't go out and drink this time when things didn't go his way or because it was his birthday and his life sucks a bit right now.  That is different behavior that I have never seen from him since we have been married.  He said he understands we shouldn't be together right now as he has so much to work through from his childhood, and he wants to get rid of those demons as much as the alcohol.  He feels that will help him stay sober, and I couldn't agree more.

I have never heard my husband this humble, and I must say it looks good on him.  I hope that he continues to stay sober and walk with God.  He wears this conversion very well.  I will not make any decisions on the future but will let time heal wounds for me and listen to God.  I have no doubt that God will clarify the things I am supposed to do and the things I am not.  Maybe this summer is all about learning to listen to God.  I have no doubts he talks to me when I quiet myself enough.  God practically screamed the words "This is not your deal" to me when I kept trying to help my husband while he was drinking (actually, I really think I enabled the drinking looking back). 

Whatever happens, I know that both of us will be better off than we were  a year ago on his last birthday and so much better off before that frightening evening on May 11th.  I enjoyed the day today, laughed, worked, prayed, cried, and felt peace.  It is nice not to have any anger about anything for a change.  It is so much easier to relax and enjoy the ride!