Do Things Always Happen in 3's?


The phrase "nothing happens by chance" is often overused, but when I see how many people in my life are currently living parallel existences, it gives that tired, old saying new life and leaves me marvelling at how God works.

Without going into too much detail, for they all have the right to deal with their challenges privately without others' judgement or intrusion, three significant people  in my life have recently admitted they are alcoholics. 

Wow. 

The amazing thing is they are from completely different walks of life, yet are all wonderful, interesting, lovely people.  They care about others to a fault at times, are constantly striving to be their best selves, and they would undoubtedly give the shirts off their backs if you needed them. 

I used to go to AA regularly.  I thought I did have a problem with alcohol, and while I drank very heavily back then, it was not to get drunk.  It was to meet men.  Granted, I did get drunk and suffered many consequences as a result, but there is no doubt in my mind today that my true addiction back then was men.  Alcohol was just a bonus crutch.

Bars were an easy place to find men who lacked morals, and I wasn't looking for anybody who would actually have values - I didn't know how to do that.  Besides, I wouldn't have known what to do with that kind of a guy anyway, and he would have undoubtedly been too "boring" for me. 

No, I was looking for love the way I had seen it modeled by my dad because, quite frankly, that is all I knew.  You see, after my mother and he split, he had a string of women he dated that was longer than a strand of Christmas lights.  As I grew older, I played "secretary" for him and kept the exremely clingy ones at bay while he pursued the others.  I had no earthly idea what real love was, what it looked like, what it sounded like.  I certainly didn't understand the definition of love that the Bible belts out in I Corinthians:  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  In fact, I thought the saying went like this:  Love is not patient, love is not kind.  It does envy, it does boast, it is proud.  And the guys I always ended up with - whether it be for an hour, night, or week, obviously shared my paradigm.

The paradigm shift took place after a particularly rowdy night. I was laying by my "friend's" pool and realized, through my hangover, I could no longer do this - the drinking.  I was done with it. I went to the next AA meeting (coincidentally, my father was in AA at the time) with my dad.  I got a sponsor.  I started to clean up.  I didn't take another drink until I met my most current ex-husband (if that doesn't tell you I had a problem picking men!) almost seven years later . . . And I didn't miss the alcohol at all, but God, how I missed the men.  My sponsor demanded I didn't date for a year. 

Not drink?  No problem!  No men?  AAAAGGGGHHHHH!  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  I dropped her, and found a more understanding sponsor an easier sponsor -- and continued to mess up my life with loser men.  When I stopped hanging out in bars, I found it more difficult to meet the men necessary to feed my addiction, so I stopped dating lots of men and began to focus on just one loser at a time. But now, maybe - just maybe I am beginning to understand why I had to find God through the doors of AA.

While in AA, I recognized that I wasn't the center of the universe, that there was a power greater than me, that I was powerless over at least one thing and maybe more, and that the principals of AA might just be a decent blueprint for my life.  And it has been.   That little blue book led me to a God I didn't know before, one who demonstrated the love I had been seeking, real "not gonna take it back when I'm bored/tired/angry/lustful" love.  The stuff the Bible talks about.  

I still wouldn't name my spirituality for years, preferring to act superior to all those unintelligent sheep who blindly followed religion.  I was a thinker, too smart to be led around by the nose.  No, I was spiritual, not religious, thank you very much. 

But as I helped one alcoholic try to sober up, I finally let go of all my arrogance and self-importance and realized that fixing him was beyond my control.  I was powerless over his addictions and I turned everything over to Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit.  God saw to it that I safely detached from that relationship and is allowing the both of us to work on ourselves separately.


When the second person came to me recently, I still tried to be the "fixer", but I caught on a little quicker and realized that I am, once again, powerless over that person's addiction.  Instead, I have turned it over to God and do so, sometimes minute-by-minute.

Now that a third important person in my life has come to me, I immediately have given it over to God, and I feel some peace, some serenity, for I know that I have no power unless it comes through Jesus Christ.  I will pray for all of these people, offer help wherever I can without enabling.  It is imperative that I step out of the way and let God take the wheel and drive.



Maybe all that time in AA was meant to help me better understand the wonderful people in my life who are struggling with their own personal demons.  Maybe the time in AA was meant to help me understand I am no better, no worse than anybody else when it comes to addictions.  Maybe my time in AA was meant to teach me we all have addictions to all sorts of things.  Maybe it's all of the above and so much more. AlaNon might have helped me in the same way, but I really don't think I would truly understand and relate to these three people in the way that I now can had I not been heavily involved in the actual AA program.  There is no them/us mentality for me now - only a we're all in this together mentality for me.

What I am constantly amazed by is how orchestrated these "chance" events seem to be.  I will keep letting God be my guide.  It is inherently clear to me He knows exactly what He is doing, and He doesn't need my help for one cotton-pickin' minute.  He might use me, but He will tell me the appointed time and place.  All I need to do is listen and show up.  Pray for all those who struggle to let go and let God.  It seems so easy, but I know how hard it can be.