Who Could've Designed This but God?

Once again I find that life hasn't turned out exactly the way I planned it. Apparently, God has a different path for me to follow and if I pay attention this time, I may understand what I can do to show others his strength. I do know for certain that I would never have made it through the last month had it not been for his neverending power supply.

I am now at the point of surrendering my own ego, my own superiority complex, my own arrogance. I am working to defer to His will for me. I am trying to be whatever God wants me to be - nothing more, nothing less. Anything I accomplish from this point on happens only because God chooses it for me.

You see, when I try to run it using my "amazing" brain, everything collides, things don't go according to my master design. Yet when God takes over, I am amazed by the way all things work out. Take, for instance, the fear I felt when my husband tried to choke me on our bed a few short weeks ago. I forgave him right after fleeing the house, but God ensured my safety because the man left the state. Now, I am protected by many miles and a domestic violence order. Who would ever have imagined such an answer to my prayers for guidance and direction concerning this marriage.

This violent episode may have been the catalyst to my husband's conversion and the episode that took place may have very little to do with me. My husband is now going to church on Sundays and Thursday in his hometown with a brother I have never met. I have prayed daily for hubby's salvation since I have been filled with the holy spirit but never guessed this would be the way it came about.

I don't know about the marriage's future. This was the second time in six years this man laid hands on me, and I am not about to put myself in harm's way again. I have prayed and searched for God's will and read endlessly God's belief regarding the marriage covenent. It may be my ego rearing up again, or fear, or anger at the violence I have dealt with, or my husband's continual relapses with alcohol even after his very recent conversion. But how masterfully brilliant is the design that has been woven to allow both my husband and I to reach out for God and deepen our relationship with Him?

Thank you, Jesus, for knowing what is best for each of us even when we ourselves work so hard to fight it and loving us when we don't even know how to love ourselves. I pray that you use me as you intend and help me remove my personal desires from the equation. My only goal in this life from this point forward is to glorify you. Please work through me to further your plans, Lord. In Jesus Name, Amen.